I have been scared of a lot of things in life. A lot of it is every day stuff but big bodies of water are not my friend, I don’t like clowns (like Pennywise), and up until a few years ago, I had a fear of flying. I had never flown before so what was there to be afraid of? It’s not like I had a bad experience flying or anything, I was just plain scared. Maybe I can attribute this fear to movies I have seen in my past. La Bamba is a good one, where the main character has nightmares of his best friend dying from plane debris falling on him. In the end the character named, “Ritchie” dies in a plane crash so I’m sure that’s one of the movies that did it for me. Another one would be “Alive”. I love the movie but I wouldn’t want to crash in the mountains and eventually have to resort to eating the other passengers. Well…if it came down to it, I would take out the elderly first since they would more than likely hold us younger folk back. So…yeah, I have a fear of flying. Well, had a fear of flying.
A few years ago my cousin decided to get married in Las Vegas and my mom had asked if I wanted to go. I told her yes, not thinking it was going to happen, and about a week after the initial question she called me up to tell me my ticket had been purchased. I was stoked because I had never been to Vegas before and I was sure we were going to have an excellent time. After jumping around like a fool in excitement of the good news I was slapped in the face by a jerk named Reality. I’ve never flown before. I was freaking out and it had been on my mind for a month and up until the time for me to fly out. My dad drove me to Chicago so that I could fly out of Midway. I had the jitters and he told me I’d be fine. I figured I would but I happened to be flying on the week of 9/11 so I was slightly scared. Ok, I was “piss my pants” scared.
I went in and did everything I needed to do like check in, pray, pop in a stick of gum to avoid from my ears popping, pray, and take a couple of Dramamine. Did I say pray? Oh I did? Ok well let’s move on. I made my way to the gate and the waiting area was packed with people. I was uncomfortable as it was and now I was in a crowded place. I’m not claustrophobic but at that time I felt it a little. What was worse was that the events of 9/11 played on CNN on the monitors around the area I was sitting in. Needless to say I was freaked out even more. Well, it was finally time to get on the plane. It seemed like forever to board and once boarded it seemed like forever before we took off. When we started moving my blood was pumping and I held my breath. The sweat began to build up and I sunk into my chair and white knuckled the arm rests. As we lifted off I went through every prayer I could think of. Finally the pilot said we could unfasten our seat belts and move around. The stewardess’ walked around asking about snacks and drinks and I ordered a double Jack and Coke.
About halfway to Vegas we hit a storm and it was bad. The turbulence was nuts and I was freaking out. It was just my luck that at this point in the flight my bodily functions decided to make themselves known. We were told we could not get up but I was struggling to hold it in. I had to pee like you wouldn’t believe and I wanted to cry. I crossed my legs and began to pray again. My dumb ass chugged the rest of my Jack and Coke to sooth my pain but the whole reason for my pain was because of fluids in the first place. The turbulence continued and and I had to grit my teeth. I turned back to look at the bathroom and the stewardess smiled at me.
“Ma’am I really need to use the restroom.”
“I’m sorry sir but I can’t give you permission to use the bathroom.”
Did you catch the message there?
“Err…look I really can’t hold it anymore.”
I turned back around and she snickered away. The plane seemed to drop slightly and everyone jumped out of their seats. I swear I sprung a leak once that happened but a light bulb exploded in my brain and I turned back to speak to the stewardess.
“You said you couldn’t give me permission right?”
“Right, I can’t give you permission.”
I jumped up and all you could see was the smoke from my feet as I ran to the bathroom. When I finished up I came out of the bathroom with a Mentos smile and I was ready to take on the world…or at least the rest of the flight. When we finally arrived I was relieved to be on the ground but it’s really the only way to travel. It was well worth the near explosion of my bladder and I was able to conquer my fear. The next time I fly I will make sure to leave the drinks alone for fear that I might just succeed in peeing my pants.