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If you didn’t know already my wife is expecting our second child and we’re having a girl. Lola Mae Martinez will be making her debut around September 1st and I can’t help but wonder about the future. WTF am I going to do when the time comes that the Riffraff starts coming around? I know I should concentrate on the present but really what I am looking for here is to see how others deal with their daughters and the Riffraff that follow them around.

The thought plagues my brain because I know damn well that when the time comes I am going to be a protective douche. It’s probably bad of me to say about myself but I am trying to be honest here. I really want to put the fear of God in them so that they don’t cross the line. I mean it worked for me…somewhat. I remember back when I was dating my eldest sons mom in high school and her friends dad pulled out a rifle and cleaned it in front of us. I had gone to pick up my girlfriend and her friend and we were hanging out in the living room before we split for the movies. Our friends father had just arrived from work and he glanced at me, put his stuff away and sat down. He asked what was going on and they told him that we were going to the movies. He nodded his head, got up and walked over to his gun case that just happened to be next to me. He pulled out a rifle and sat back down.

“Where are you going again?”

He started to clean his gun and I about shat myself. I began to sweat and my nerves were all over the place. I was ready to tell him that we would simply stay and watch TV or I would just go home. Yep, I was that scared and this is the kind of impression I want to make on the Riffraff that will come in the future. I might go a little further and pull out a bullet and say,

“You see this bullet? I’m putting your initials on it. If you F up…well at least someone will be able to identify you.”

LOL! Now that would be funny but I’m sure I would either piss some people off or I would get into trouble but to all the fathers out there, you know what I’m getting at right? Short of buying a gun I want to do something to the effect of what my friend Dan and I did to his daughter. I think she was 14 or 15 and she was supposed to meet up with us for dinner. She was taking forever and Dan found out she was at the mall with her boyfriend. She was going to wait for us in the parking lot and Dan made the suggestion of pulling up fast on them and surround her boyfriends vehicle. We pulled up, blocked them in, and got out to bum rush his truck. Dan interrogated while I asked if I should call the rest of the guys or get the bat from the trunk. His daughter chuckled at first but eventually she asked for it to stop. I can only imagine that her boyfriend had a movement right there in the truck. Dan’s girlfriends along with my wife told us to chill but we were having too much fun.

This is what I am thinking of doing. Just a little something to show the Riffraff that I’m not messing around. How do you deal with it? Whether you are a mother or father I would like to know what options I have or situations you have experienced. Let me know, Jabber Loggers! I might just have to buy a shotgun so that I can clean it out when the Riffraff comes around. Or maybe I can just do what my father in law did to me when I asked his blessing to marry his daughter,

“Rich. I will only tell you once, if you hurt my daughter you will never be able to run fast enough and there is no place you can hide that I wouldn’t find you and hurt you.”

Yeah…that sounds like a plan.

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