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Hello all and Jabber Log is back with another story from the past. A funny story involving my brother, myself, and the State Police of Michigan. It was February of 1999 and I was getting out of school for the day. I had been debating on whether or not to bring my Tommy Hilfiger jacket with me or not and finally I decided I had enough crap to take home with me so I left it in my locker.  I waited for my brother to get out of class and we got out of the parking lot and fast. For the past month or so I had been defying authority by parking in the teacher’s parking lot and I felt like I could get away with anything. With my cocky attitude I was just begging for Karma to kick me in the ass.

My brother Fernando (Nando for short) and I were cruising in my 1983 Z28 Camaro to South Haven so that I could get my senior pictures taken and we were enjoying ourselves. I had an excellent sound system in my car and I was bassing it all the way to our destination. The sounds of “F Da Police” by N.W.A. were blaring through my speakers and I turned to the left to see a state trooper pass by me going north. I didn’t care though, nothing could stop my good mood and I thought, “F Da Police” just like the song.

Well in my stupid teenage, not giving a crap mood, I failed to notice that the trooper had whipped around and was now on my ass. For whatever reason I sped up a little and looked over to tell Nando that we were going to get pulled over but he was passed out. I slowed down and I began to sweat, I mean really sweat. It was that kind of sweat that creates spots in unflattering areas. I was looked in the mirror and noticed a second trooper catching up to us. For a moment I thought they were heading to something else and then I about soiled myself when one of them pulled up next to me and they both hit their lights with the one next to me motioning to me to pull over. My attitude changed and I could barely breathe. I pulled over, shut my car off, and put my window down.

“How’s it going,” asked the trooper.

I could barley speak, “Um..alright I guess.”

“You know why I pulled you over?”

“No…”

“Let me see your license and registration.”

I gasped and I swear my ass puckered when I flashed back and realized that I had left my stupid license in my Tommy jacket. I was sure I was screwed.

“I don’t have it…I left it in my other.”

“Get out of the car!”

I got out of the car and I held back my emotion. I was so scared and pissed that I wanted to cry like a fool. The trooper nudged me toward the back of my car as I dragged my feet.

“Get up against the car!”

“Wha…?”

“Did I stutter boy?”

Never in my life did I think I was going to be in this situation and I grit my teeth, placed my hands on the car and spread my legs.

“How old are you”, the trooper asked as he searched me.

“I’m 17 sir.”

“Yeah? Do you deal at all?”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“You fit the description of a drug dealer we’re looking for.”

I stood with no response as he pulled out my pager and cell phone.

“Hmm…you have a cell phone, a pager, and this nice car and you don’ t deal?”

“My parents have to keep track of me somehow and I work and get good grades man.”

“Uh huh, so if I search your car I won’t find anything right?”

Without missing a beat I blurted out, “Well it’s my dads car so if you find anything it belongs to him.”

The troopers laughed as I stood there trying to stop myself from wetting my man-shorts.

“So who’s that guy in the passenger seat and what’s wrong with him? Is he on drugs or something?”

“What? No sir, that’s my little brother he’s just tired.”

The trooper had me stay with the other one in back of my car and he tapped on the window. Nando didn’t move a muscle and after tapping the window a little harder he finally decided to open the door. Nando was so tired his ass fell out of the car and onto the road. I had not thought we could be screwed anymore than we already were until Nando fell out of the car. He looked cracked out, drunk, and his hair was mangled.

“Get up and go over there with your brother”, yelled the trooper.

Nando jumped up and ran toward me. “Oh my god dude what’s going on!?”

I shook my head and looked up into the sky. Lady Karma had arrived and it was time for me to get mine. The trooper had destroyed the inside of my car and I was freaking out. We were told to get back in the car and we did as we were told. We waited for the longest time and finally the trooper came up to give me a ticket for the tint on my windows. Apparently that was the real reason for pulling me over and since I did not have my license on me he could have arrested me for it. The trooper let us go and I was so happy. The following day I was a little pissed that I would have to take off my tint but was happy that if I did I would not have to pay the ticket.

Later that day I went to the eye doctor and I told him my story. Before I left his office he gave me the note pictured above. He told me to present it with my ticket and I would be rewarded. I went to the post and brought my father with me. When we got there the trooper who had pulled me over happened to be there and I turned in my ticket and showed my doctors note. He grit his teeth and I thought he was going to blow a gasket when he ripped it up in front of me. I couldn’t help but crack a smile as he gave me the look of death. I said thanks and walked off in a blaze of glory. I was pretty happy with myself since I had put it to the man.

Years later I look back at this incident and I think, “What the F was I thinking?” I could have gone to jail but when you’re that young you don’t care until it’s right in your face. What sweet irony this turned out to be since I now work for the man. Ha! I now understand why officers do what they do and if you had told me back then that I would be working for the police as an adult I would have told you, “F Da Police”.

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